It's ironic how things end up working themselves out. No..matter..what. Honestly, even if it takes the longest, windiest path there...the path with most resistence, the truth always manages to find a way to expose itself. I can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse. Staying on the optimistic side, I'll say it's a blessing. It shows us the ugly colors in people that we often wouldn't find otherwise. Or it shows us the simple vulernability that each one of us posesses but that some hide better than most.
The more often I find myself let down by people..guys..whatever, the tougher I find my shell becoming. When it comes down to it, however, I'm never gonna be as tough on the inside as I appear to be on the outside sometimes. I've just grown accustomed to being disappointed and to not expect the best out of most situations or most people although deep down...deep, deep down, I'll always be an optimist. The hopeless romantic who's going to get love struck at the weirdest time in her life when she least expects it. To be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.
I miss him. A lot. Being with him was one of the happiest times I've had in a while but thinking about it still hurts a little too much. It's only been a week since we've talked...a week since he's taken any kind of attempt to get ahold of me but it feels like forever. Things are getting easier as time progresses and as I find myself busying up in work and whatever else. Thinking about it doesn't help so I've been doing the exact opposite. In fact, I hardly think about it but there are times, like now, when I realize how hard I'm trying to block it out. The other day, I broke down in front of my mom...something even she was shocked by because I'd been doing such a good job at hiding how I felt. It felt good, though, to release a little bit of it but I don't make it a habit. He doesn't deserve my tears and I deserve much better than that. He has taken me for granted for the last time. Who would have thought that this is what would become of us after 8 years? As much as I thought I knew him, I guess I didn't as well as I thought I did.
Such is life. I've kept in mind that things could be so much worse. One guy...even if he is THE guy...isn't going to break my world. This is the last time he takes me and my heart for granted.
I'm moving on....
Current Music: None..CSI